Feelings of shame

Shame poisons our life, makes us feel worthless. A person is ashamed to make mistakes, ashamed to admit ignorance, ashamed to express emotions, ashamed to attract attention, ashamed to take up a lot of space or time with themselves… This reduces every activity to a minimum to suffer less from shame. And they suffer even more.

In ancient times, condemnation from other people could mean even physical death. It seems that this has been fixed at the genetic level as well. Especially for us, where communism was built for a long time, suppressing all those who thought differently.

Today, many are just as strongly dependent on the opinions of others. The sadly famous `but what will people think` oppresses each of us. Some have learned to fight against this pressure, others have not.

There is a healthy feeling of shame. It protects our principles, moral norms. Deviating from them, we get pangs of conscience. Without such support, it is easy to get lost and do foolish things. For example, a healthy feeling of shame does not allow us to walk naked in the streets or relieve ourselves in a children`s playground. Healthy shame is useful.

But there is also toxic shame. It destroys our confidence, undermines self-esteem, oppresses emotionally. Because of toxic shame, we become very susceptible to external influence. The opinion of other people starts to become more important than our own. We lose our identity.

Steps to get rid of toxic shame:

1. Detect toxic shame

If we are afraid to admit that shame interferes with living, then we do ourselves a disservice. Shame seeps into the subconscious and creates a destructive influence on us there. If shame interferes with living, start destroying it.

2. Accept yourself

Acknowledge your mistakes and imperfections. Remember actions that gave satisfaction but caused feelings of shame. Analyze these situations in your head. What would happen if you did not feel pangs of conscience then? Nothing terrible, right?

3. New emotional beacon

Imagine that you do not know the feeling of shame and you relive the `shameful` life situations anew. How would you react now? Replay it in your head and define a new behavior model.

4. Self-control

Monitor your emotions and note changes in behavior when something makes you blush. Positive emotions will show that you are moving in the right direction. By lowering the level of toxic shame, you will discover new opportunities for yourself.

By being ashamed and protecting ourselves from rejection, we deny ourselves acceptance. Those around you may consider you a great and talented person, but as long as you do not value their words, you will think otherwise. Toxic shame arises in contact with other people, so it needs to be destroyed in relationships. Simply allow yourself to take risks.

Risk believing that benevolent and supportive words about you are true. Risk accepting compliments not as flattery, but as recognition of your gifts. Risk relying on your own strengths when a new challenge arises… Each positive feedback will only convince you that you deserve more and the feeling of shame will melt with each time.

Obviously, all our fears begin in early childhood, which then poison our life. What do you think?