We came across a candid post by multi-child mother Jelena about why it`s so dangerous to demand excellent grades from a child. “When our eldest daughter started school, I made a terrible mistake that I`m still correcting. I told her that I was an excellent student and expect the same from her.” We recommend everyone to think about it!

Child`s grades at school

“The daughter studied excellently, reported her achievements, we all rejoiced at her fives, were proud… I didn`t even check her notebooks, let alone look into the electronic diary. But once I took one of her notebooks, flipped through it, and saw a three shaded with a pencil.

“Honey, what is this?” – I asked sternly. The daughter started crying and admitted that she was afraid I would find out and scold her. At least a four, but a three! “You said I have to be an excellent student!”

My daughter was afraid to tell me that something didn`t work out at school, understand? I myself built this wall of fear and distrust between us with my own hands. And where it would lead in the end, I don`t even dare to imagine if I hadn`t come across that unfortunate notebook. Honestly, at that moment I was confused and didn`t know what to do. I just hugged her, said I love her, and asked her never to lie to me again. And not to be afraid. And I went to another room – to think. And cry.”

See, this woman almost created a barrier between herself and her daughter, but realized it in time. When we demand something from a child, we need to understand: is it necessary for him or for the parents? Yes, and each of us understands that it`s not the grades in the diary that matter, but knowledge. But for some reason, we start demanding, scolding, forbidding. But this, in turn, undermines the child`s psyche and destroys trust between you.

The famous family psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky in his seminars strongly recommends parents not even touch the school topic. How the child studies is his personal business. Better to communicate with him about life instead of nagging about a three in math or literature. It`s important for the child to realize what interests him and move in that direction. Not to reread “War and Peace” again instead of doing experiments in beloved physics.

The most terrible thing is when parents themselves were excellent students but failed in life. They couldn`t find their place and work in an unloved job, don`t visit places they would like, make purchases based on possibilities not desires. But they force children to study excellently to achieve something. They contradict themselves because children need parental example, not just stories and demands.

Look at your own life. Are really only those who were excellent students in school in a good position in life? We`re sure among them are those who drank themselves away or work from morning to night just to cover basic needs.

But among the kings of twos, there are probably outstanding athletes, businessmen, politicians, models, artists. It`s not rare for children, fearing that a despotic parent will find out about a three or that they didn`t enter the institute, to end their life in suicide.

If your child worries before every test, and trembles before the results are announced, then by graduation, he will already have a traumatized psyche. But when facing further life difficulties, he will become a neurotic. One thing if the child easily succeeds in every science and studies with pleasure, but another when it`s simply demanded from him and scolded for every failure.

Don`t kill the personality in your child and don`t sow fear in him from childhood. Be a close friend to him, not just a parent who feeds, clothes, and constantly nags. If you develop his talents, he will definitely become a successful person in the future, won`t be afraid to get a three from life, but will confidently follow his dream.

“But the main thing – I realized that you can`t scold for grades. You need to love, help, support, believe in the child, each one. And do so that he believes in you – mom and dad. Not be afraid.”

Tell us in the comments if you agree that you can`t demand a child to be an excellent student at school. Also, share the useful article with your friends on social networks!