Not showing respect to each other

It`s important to respect each other`s opinions rather than constantly questioning your partner`s decisions. Before calling a plumber, it`s worth giving your husband a chance to fix the faucet if he really wants to do it himself. Showing respect may seem intimidating, but it`s actually not. According to psychologists, it`s all about listening to your partner and showing kindness towards them.

Being ungrateful

Psychologists emphasize: People tend to do what others praise and appreciate. It`s important to tell your partner that you think they are beautiful. You can always find a reason for gratitude or praise. It`s important not to take your partner`s efforts for granted. If your partner brings home flowers or food you like, you shouldn`t find fault in the fact that this time they bought the wrong olives.

Prioritizing children

It`s important to ensure that life doesn`t revolve only around the children. One day they will leave home, and the spouses will be left alone. Psychologists note that when one or both partners put children first, not paying enough attention to each other, they often feel resentment, neglect, and alienation.

Not paying attention to nonverbal signals

Psychologists identify nonverbal signals that indicate a decrease in interest in the partner: they rarely look at each other; avoid touching; show impatience; squint and smile more and more. Sometimes it`s worth working on the ability to regulate and control your emotional expressions so that loved ones don`t feel offended.

Calling your spouse another child

Women, even jokingly calling their husband another child, can unintentionally hurt his feelings. Some women say the phrase `So helpless! What would he do without me?!` and others consider it a good joke. Although it might seem that the husband is just as loud and irresponsible. By expressing this thought, the woman says that she has a large share of parental duties and that she is in a relationship with an adult man who can`t take care of himself. Psychologist Melissa Orlov emphasizes how important it is to treat your partner as an equal.

Not setting boundaries with relatives

If you don`t set certain strict boundaries with parents and other relatives of the spouses from the very beginning, one day the marriage could be at risk. It`s important to remember that you married each other first, not the relatives. Your parents will always play an extremely important role, but you shouldn`t let them invade your private life and make decisions for you.

• We live in my husband`s parents` house, which is divided into two parts. One for me, my husband, and child, the other for the parents. They left the door between us for convenience, and when they started renovations, there was no kitchen and we ate in theirs. The renovation is finished, we eat at ours. But every time guests come to them who haven`t been before, my mother-in-law takes them to see what and how we`ve done. We did everything for ourselves. We don`t need such visits. They catch us unprepared every time.

Not knowing how to resolve conflicts

The lack of conflict resolution skills is possibly one of the main causes of marriage breakdowns. Uncontrolled shouting and senseless accusations can be destructive to any family. Arguing properly is a skill that takes time, effort, and both parties` willingness to sit down and talk. Instead of blaming the partner, it`s important to focus on cooperation. You need to express thoughts constructively, without aggression.

Another important skill is the ability to listen carefully to each other and not try to defend yourself, making sure that you both are talking about the same thing.

Forgetting to find time to be alone together

Parents, especially those with young children, often feel quite exhausted. According to psychologists, parental emotional burnout is one of the most common and unrecognized. It must be admitted that most don`t even realize they are suffering from it.

Competing with your spouse

Only a few admit that they compete with their other half. Usually, everyone says they want only the best for their partners, but sometimes deep inside they feel envy for the other`s career successes.

• I analyzed all my relationships, and I was shocked by the realization that men don`t know how to rejoice in their girlfriend`s successes. When I was 20, I started earning more than my then 30-year-old boyfriend, I listened to a lecture that they pay me for other services too, because at my age they don`t pay that much (of course, that wasn`t true). At 21, I successfully saved a concert where my then-boyfriend, a guitarist, was playing. He and his band almost ruined it, and since I was studying at music school, I went out and sang a song, thus diverting the crowd`s attention. The crowd liked it. I`m 27, married. I earn money at home, take care of the child, have time for everything. My husband is depressed, and I think I can guess why.

Sacrificing your interests for the family

According to psychologists, many people include the ability to sacrifice in the very definition of what it means to truly love another person. However, it`s important to achieve balance so as not to value others more than yourself to your own detriment. Psychologists also identify the type of pathological altruist who can play the victim card to gain advantages in relationships.

• When all friends ask: `When will you get married?`, I look at him, and he smiles and answers: `We`re not in a hurry!` And I want to get married because we`ve been together for 5 years, because I`m madly in love with his family, because for him I learned to cook! For his sake, I would agree to quit my job, without which I can`t live, and wait for him from work with dinner every day! I want to get married because I know what we`ll name our children. I want to be the best wife for him! And I`m painfully offended that for 5 years he doesn`t understand that.

Keeping silent about problems

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- You seem to have gained weight. I`ll keep silent.
- After the promotion at the new pool, I bought two subscriptions. Great. I used to be a winner in city competitions.

Psychologists believe that people tolerate bad treatment for various reasons - low self-esteem, inability to cope with their emotions. Keeping things silent creates superficial, psychologically unhealthy relationships. Problems that remain unspoken are likely to grow into serious conflicts one day.

• I was convinced that I had a normal boyfriend. The fact is that I have a terrible allergy to almost all cosmetics, so I don`t wear makeup. The guy always said everything is fine, he likes it. But recently a terrible scandal broke out. It turns out he`s ashamed to take me to meet his friends because their girls are beautiful and fashionable.

What are your long-term relationship secrets?